My Somewhat Secret Life: Well This is Interesting

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Well This is Interesting

There's never a dull moment around here. I just found out I'm pregnant. Took a test last night when I realized I was a couple days late. I had been spotting so I figured it was right around the corner, but it never came. Which also explains the random bouts of nausea I've had the past week. I though it was maybe do to the binging and purging so I didn't think anymore about it...until last night.
I definitely have mixed feelings. Yes, Dean and I are very happy to have another child on the way. However, with my ED out of control I'm a little worried. Will I be able to lose weight in a healthy way? What will happen if I can't stop the binge/purge cycle? How much does restricting hurt the baby? Maybe I'll magically be cured...haha I wish. The last time my ED was out of control I got pregnant shortly after. I don't know what happened but during that pregnancy I didn't seem to worry about my weight. I don't know if it will be that easy this time.

There's also the marathon I'm training for. I know you can run when pregnant but can you run 13 miles at 7 months along? haha This will be interesting to say the lest.

2 comments:

EliApril 18, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Congratulations on the new baby. I'm sorry I have no ideas to help put your mind at ease when it comes to your ED and the new baby.
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About Me (long version)

I'm 29, I've been married for 11 years, and have 8 wonderful children. When I was 14/15 I became anorexic/bulimia. I don't remember just how thin I became but Dean (my husband) told me if I wore a tight shirt you could see my ribs. Oh how I wish that was the case now...Anyway, I was in a lot of bad relationships and into drugs, drinking and partying like the world was coming to an end.

At 17 I became pregnant with my first child. Shortly after my 18th birthday Dean and I got married, finished high school, got our own place, and continued to have kids. I gained a lot of weight having kids. Eating for 2 really isn't necessary, the weight doesn't melt off like people say, nursing or not. I gave in to every craving and enjoyed feeling full. I gained, and gained, and gained. I became a disgusting ball of bubbling fat. I couldn't move well, had trouble even walking, and forget about playing with the kids. After number 4 I hit my highest weight. I've slowly lost over the years and stayed around 230/250.

After my 7th baby I got into running and lost alot of weight quickly. I got down to 150 and then my eating disorder kicked back in. I had baby 8 and went back up to 230ish. I've worked to lose the weight again and am down to 170/175 but I still have a long way to go. All I can think about is numbers. The scale, calories, how much I burn when I run, and FOOD FOOD FOOD. I hate it.

So, now I'm trying to lose all the disgusting fat that has invaded my body. I know there is a beautiful girl under all this nastiness. Here is my journey to find that girl.