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I almost made it through the day yesterday. I ended up not running until 4:00pm and after my run I had supper. Then I continued to eat...everything. I will say that I did not binge of candy which is what I normally do but it was a binge non the less. A "healthy" food binge still made me feel like shit.

I told my Celebrate Recovery group that my goal was to not binge/purge for 1 week. I made it 2 1/2 days. Stupid. It was really hard not to purge. I wanted to so bad that I got dizzy. I went to bed shortly after eating and cried myself to sleep. One more disappointment. Once again letting people down. I'm tired of it. I wish I hadn't even told them.

I weighed myself this morning and to my surprise I didn't gain. That was a small encouragement I guess.

This weekend it's going to just be me and the kids. My husband is taking the weekend off to recharge. He never gets breaks so I'm very happy for him. He's always given ME the weekend breaks. However, I still found myself very jealous this morning and cranky with him. I felt bad that he left for his break on a bad note. I was crabby and some of the kids were crabby... Ugh.

I know the reason it's so hard for me this time. We had recently asked some friends to help us out and take the kids for us because we are both so very stressed. We have never, in our 11 years of marriage and kids have asked for a break from all the kids at once, for more then a weekend. It looked like it was going to happen and then found out a friend bailed on us. My friend should have told me from the start that it wouldn't work for her. but instead, kept implying that it might work and then at the last minute told us no. I had started to make plans for what I'd do for a whole week at the house child free. Now, totally disappointed, I'm working through my feels and trying to be happy for my husband who still gets to go away for a few days. Very jealous at the moment. I shouldn't have shown him just how annoyed I was and feel bad that I was pissed when he left. I know I have a break coming up. So shut up and be happy for him.

On a slightly happy note, my oldest will be on a church sleep over thing for the weekend. She is high stress in my life. She's only 11 but has been pre-teen and PMSing since she was 5. No joke. I get over whelmed with her quickly. Looking forward to her being gone for a few days.

So to continue me random ramblings, my plan for the day is to only have 1000 cals today. I ate so much yesterday evening that I feel full just thinking about it. I'm saving my cals for this evening when I have a friend over for supper and a movie. Homemade sweet and sour chicken with rice. I've never made it before so hopefully it's good.

Well, I'm done rambling now. Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Hugs!