It's been almost a year sense I've posted. My daughter was born the end of December. She has been an amazing baby sense day one. Sleeps through the night, nurses great, and is always happen. I never went through the normal sleep deprivation that comes with newborns. In that respect, things have been wonderful. As for the rest of my life, not so much.
I gained a lot with this last pregnancy, but that happens every time. The mental garbage that goes with weight gain has been almost unbearable. The last month has been the hardest. It's so frustrating to know how to be healthy but not being able to do it.
My husband has been great. I seriously don't know how he puts up with me. I can't put up with me most days. Most of my time this last month has been spent crying, avoiding people, and staying home as much as possible. He's there for all my breakdowns and gives me space when I need it. I know he just wants to muscle me into not binging/purging or restricting, but it just doesn't work that way.
I made it three days eating good and didn't count all my calories but I lost it yesterday. It started off with a binge/purge when everyone was outside. I tried to reset but then I started eating more after supper. Dean went to bed early and then kids went to bed without any trouble so for two hours I binged and purged. Finally when I was so tired I could fall asleep standing I went to bed. Very shitty way to end the day. My goal is to make it a week just eating healthy. No counting calories, no junk food, and no purging. Not sure how long it will take to meet that goal though.
Today has been good. I went for a run and just tuned out for awhile. We have friends coming over for supper so I hope I can eat normally and eat with them. Eating in front of anyone has become a chore these days. Well, Dean will be home soon so I'm off to get the house picked up.
Have a great weekend!
