Yesterday I was so bi-polar. Bluh! I'm still feeling a little down but doing better. I don't know what happened yesterday that set me off. I know the heat was part of it. It was like all my failures were slammed in my face without any warning. I just couldn't deal with it all. When my husband got home I broke down. He let me go to bed early and he took care of the kids for the night. It seems like everything I suck at comes down to my weight. I could homeschool the kids better if I was thin and in shape. I'd have the energy to keep up with them and not burn out at noon. My friends would want to hang out with me if I wasn't fat and embarrassing to be seen in public with. My husband would want me if I wasn't a big tub of lard. I'd be able to lead my CR group better if I wasn't such a damn hypocrite. The list goes on and on.
I know that being pregnant plays a part in how I feel but I'm tired of it taking my body completely. I know and read about all these large family mothers that have it all together and always have a great body. Am I the only large family fat mom out there?! It makes me so angry. How is it that they can push out 10 kids and still be in a size 8? Really? I miss when I was 150 and would get people saying, "there is no way you've had 7 kids!" I loved those comments. It made me feel like I could do anything. Then, I get pregnant and it all went away. I wasn't even able to get back down there after I had S. I'm one of those that gain 60lbs no matter what I do during the pregnancy. And now, I'm doing it all again.
I've tried everything to lose some of the weight I've gained already with this pregnancy but nothing works. It's like my body is out to get me. The only exercise I can do is walking, (which kills because before I got pregnant I was running 5/6miles,) and because of my sugar levels always dropping if feels like I'm eating all the time. I think I just need to restrict and deal with feeling like shit. I feel like shit either way so I might as well get something out of it.
Starting over. Breakfast and supper. That's it. Goal is to make it through the week on this plan.
I feel like that, sometimes its like everything bad is because i am fat, and being skinny will make everything better.
ReplyDeleteApparently we dont need to actually eat much more during pregnancy.. my friend is pregnant and she has put on 2 stone which seems strange to me seeing as babys are so tiny.. she eats everything and loads of it - she says she is always tired. Maybe you could eat more blood sugar regulating foods? such as avocado, oats to slowly release sugar into your body, strawberries - low calorie but still sweet and better than cookies! nuts as snacks..
lots of love xx
A pregnant person only needs 300 more cals but most people think it is an all you can eat for 9 months. I did this with my first few babies and gains tons of weight. I also got pregnant shortly after having a baby so I never had time to lose the baby weight. 9 kids in 11 years...yeah. haha
ReplyDeletePart of being tired is from being pregnant, but if you are eating too much or alot of junk, you'll stay tired. That maybe why your friend is tired all the time. Just a thought.
I try to stick to a high protien/slow carb diet but it's hard and if I end up eating too much protien I get sick do to not having a gallbladder. The frustrating thing is, I know what I'm suppose to eat, I just don't. I give in to my fat cravings and let my tastebuds rule.
Thanks for your comment!