This last month has been hell! I have struggled so much with my bi-polar and temper it's been kinda scary. I hate who I become when I'm in a low. I'm mean, nasty, bitchy, and all around crazy. If I was on my own this wouldn't be that big of a deal. I could just lock myself up until it passes. However, with a husband and kids it's not that easy. My kids have been walking an eggshells all month. I hate this. I hate the fact that I know there are many times my kids simply fear me. Not the good healthy fear kids should have for parents but the kind that keeps them from coming into the same room with me because they don't know if I'll snap and yell at them for simply breathing to loudly.
I haven't been able to take my meds regularly because of the morning sickness, (which I think is finally over,) so I'm hoping my moods will level off and I can start to feel a little more sane. My husband has been great through all this and is great about stepping up when I'm falling apart. Thank God for that or this house would be a horrid freak show in line for the next LifeTime movie!
My moods are starting to level off a bit and life is feeling a little bit more normal this past week. Kids are feeling safer and husband is happy. Things are looking up.
I have some exciting news. Starting this Saturday all 8 of my kids will be gone for a full week!!!! No joke. I'm so freaking excited I can hardly stand it. Dean and I have not had a break away from all the kids in years, let alone a full week. There are so many things we want to do that I'm pretty sure we won't be able to do them all. I will have a lot of time on my hands during the week as Dean will still have work but I'm ok with that. I have a pretty good list of stuff that I want to do on my own too. Ohhhh man, I can't wait!
The one thing that has been ok this month has been my eating. That's so weird to say! I've really not had much of an appetite and when I do, I crave fruits and veggies, not chocolate and ice cream. In fact, there have been a few times where Dean and I are sitting down for a show and he's pigging out on ice cream and I'm eating a bowl of carrots! Right now at this very moment there are a pan of super yummy brownies in the fridge that I haven't since last night and even that was a pretty small piece!
I've been try to work on finding the little positives in the hell of life even if it's the smallest thing, like the kids didn't scream for ten seconds today. lol Yes, sometimes that's all I get.
Well, that's all I have for now. Hopefully I'll start posting more and a little more happy then my last few blogs. Hope everyone in blogger land is doing good!
No comments:
Post a Comment