I haven't posted lately because honestly, I've gained so much I've been too embarrassed to talk about it. I'm 9 1/2 weeks now and in this time have managed to pack on 22lbs. I didn't even know that was possible! The morning sickness has been killing me and with my blood sugar always so low I know I've not been eating the best. Sugar and as much protein as possible to help with my levels not spiking, but really? 22lbs in 9 weeks?! Please, someone shoot me. The only reason I know what I weigh is because I had a WIC appointment and I couldn't get out of it. My goal was to not go over 200lbs during this pregnancy. I'm now at 195. It hurts to even admit that. I haven't been running as I had the flu last week and this week I've simply tried to get my energy back.
However, this has to stop. Things have to change or I may just kill myself. But then really, the thought of people having to clean up that nasty fat mess, well, maybe I'll kill myself another time. I'm hoping to reset this Monday. We have alot of food related events going on this weekend so I'll get though that and then start fresh. I really need to start counting calories again so I know just how much I'm really putting in my face. because clearly I've been slightly delusional these past few weeks. Fuck!
My plan:
1000/1500cals per day
At least 8 cups of water
No more soda, not even diet.
Run every other day. At least 4 miles. I'm not going to worry about time or speed, just be moving at a slightly faster pace then a walk :-) I still have this half marathon ahead of me, so I really need to get off my ass.
That's it. should be simple enough, right? I'm so sick of the yo-yo weight crap. I can feel the weight everywhere, it's so gross. even my breathing has changed. I'd like to blame it on allergies, but let's stop lieing to myself. I'm ripping apart at the seems. I don't even look in the mirror anymore. It's to painful. The kids are noticing and making comments, but do I do anything about it. Yeah, hide in my room and stuff my face through the tears. Damn it. I hate this so much.
Oh sweetheart. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I know that makes me sound like a hyprocite, but your baby does need you to not only eat, but healthy =) Your meal plan sounds great. You know I'm always here to talk to. Keep your head up. You're beautiful and your kids need you around, so don't kill yourself ;)
ReplyDeleteStay strong girl.
XOXO